


5 Times James Tried to Pick Up Q and 1 Time it Worked

by LivetoDream333 (orphan_account)



Category: James Bond (Craig movies)
Genre: 5 Times, All sorts of pick up lines, Bad Flirting, Bad Pick-Up Lines, Banter, Flirting, Fluffy, Funny, Is that a sonic screwdriver?, M/M, Pre-Relationship, Snark, plus 1
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-02
Updated: 2014-10-02
Packaged: 2018-02-19 14:08:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2391170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/LivetoDream333
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What is says on the tin, plus an insightful Eve.</p>
            </blockquote>





	5 Times James Tried to Pick Up Q and 1 Time it Worked

**Author's Note:**

> I was dying with laughter the whole time I wrote this.

5 Times James Tried to Pick Up Q and 1 Time it Worked

 1.

James smiled and grinned as he walked into Q-Branch and tilted his head slightly to the side, looking the Quartermaster up and down, who was standing, bent over his desk, looking closely at a project through a magnifying glass, mending it. James, on the other hand was looking over Q’s form, especially the way his trousers clung to his very appealing ass.

Of course, James cared for more than just the aesthetic qualities he had, but one could not ignore such a beautiful thing, especially when it’s right in front of them—least of all James.

“Was your father a baker, because you’ve got a fine pair of buns?” James commented.

“What do you want, 007? I’m busy.”

“You could be.”

“Ha-ha, only if you happen to have some Viagra, old man.”

“You burn me… You could give me a chance, you know?”

“Nope. Leave your equipment on the table, I have work to do. Go find yourself a woman with daddy issues.”

“You wound me, Q.”

“What? Wit not as quick as it used to be? Sorry, part of the aging process I hear.”

“Dinner?” James asked, after putting his equipment.

“Not on your life. Shoo before I use my Taser.” Q never bluffed about his Taser. James sighed and left.

 

2.

 _“007, I need that hard drive.”_ Q said in a hiss.

“I could give you a hard drive.”

“ _If you don’t move your ass, I will fucking unlock that door and set off the silent alarms. They will kill you and my job will be easier.”_

“But I thought you need the hard-drive.”

_“007, now.”_

“Just dinner, all I ask.”

 _“Unlocking doors.”_ James heard them click. He just hoped Q hadn’t tripped the silent alarm. He grabbed the hard drive and ran.

 

3. 

Q liked Doctor Who… He loved it. Maybe a personal touch would help.

“Is that a sonic screwdriver in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?”

“Unless you brought all of my equipment back in one piece I have absolutely no qualms with throwing you out on your ass.”

“You seem fixated on my ass.”

“Did I assume incorrectly that you are an ass?”

“Low, Q, low.” James sighed. “Italian.”

“Leave, now.”

 

4.

“That tie would look even better accelerating towards my bedroom floor at 9.8 ms2.”

“Amusing, but I’m a chemist, not a physicist. Get out of my lab, you aren’t even allowed in here.”

 

5.

“If I were an enzyme, I’d be DNA helicase so I could unzip your genes.”

“That’s biology, Bond.” Q commented dryly. “Do I really need to say anything else?”

“Please?”

“No.” James sighed and walked away, Eve followed him into the hall.

“You’re doing it wrong.”

“Obviously. Care to share what’s right?”

“Look, you and I know something he doesn’t.”

“And what’s that?”

“You like him. See, if you didn’t like him, you’d flirt with him like you used to, double-entendres and smirks and groping. Not with him. You flirt, you wink, you use your God-awful pick-up lines, but you don’t try to grope him—he’s worth more to you than that—and you ask him to dinner. You’re not just playing with his mind like you do with everyone else, he means something to you, why else would you actually stop when he asks you to? The problem is he doesn’t know you care.”

“How can he not? I mean, I haven’t been paying attention to anyone else in months.”

“James, he thinks he’s a conquest. He thinks you’re just looking to get a Quartermaster shaped notch in your belt.”

“I don’t do that. 007 and James are two totally different things.”

“Exactly, he doesn’t know that. It’s not like he spies on you in his spare time, so he has nothing to go on outside of reputation. He likes you, but he doesn’t want to be just another notch. He isn’t that sort of person. So here’s how you pick him up. No more cheesy lines, words with feeling, James, that’s what he needs. Wooing. You know, the old fashioned things.”

“I don’t do words with feeling well.”

“Learn to.”

 

+1.

James slowed way down, leaving gifts behind in Q’s office when he wasn’t looking, bringing home his equipment (mostly intact too), and lowering the flirting levels a bit. It was all going quite well until Q caught James placing a vase of peach colored roses on his desk.

“What are you doing?”

“Smelling the flowers.” James lied, trying to cover for being caught. “Do you have a secret admirer?”

“Not so secret anymore, Bond.” Q commented. James frowned slightly at the disappointed look on Q’s face. Had he been wishing it were someone else? “Had to be a spy, I suppose, no one sane could know I like such a specific brand of dark chocolate with a very specific cocoa level…” Q shook his head. “Why are you doing this? I’m not one of your woman, Bond.” Q stated, heading for his desk, but James stopped him, taking Q’s hands in one of his. Q froze under the gaze of bright blue eyes. Who wouldn’t feel a bit pinned by them?

“You’re not.” James agreed, running his free hand through Q’s hair and kissing his brow, gently. “You’re not a mission or a mark or a married woman breaking her vows. You’re not something I have to endure, you’re someone I look forward to. You’re a genius, quick-witted, sassy, kind, and extraordinarily handsome. What isn’t there to like? Aside from your refusal to make me an exploding pen.” Q laughed, breaking eye-contact for the first time.

“You would bring that into this. I’m not giving you a damn exploding pen.”

“Dinner? Promise, just dinner. I’m a third-date sort of man anyway.” James winked. Q smiled and relaxed slightly before pressing his lips to James’ cheek.

“Yes.”

**Author's Note:**

> Much Love.


End file.
